Stop Bigamy

2009-01-16T14:31:00.002Z

Julia's Story - the Inspiration Behind Stop Bigamy

ulia met her ex on New Year’s Day in 1989 - and immediately embarked on a six-week, whirlwind romance.

By the beginning of February, he proposed marriage and she accepted.

Obtaining permission from a local Bishop, they had the wedding they wanted - in church – with all her family and friends there to celebrate the union. In hindsight, it might seemed suspicious that none of his family had attended, but when he said they simply couldn’t attend, she unquestioningly believed him.

Whilst on honeymoon in Yugoslavia, the couple agreed to renew their vows in ten year’s time. Over the years, they had what many would deem an idyllic marriage – husband and wife, best friends, soulmates and, after two years, they even became business partners.

Having promised on honeymoon to renew their vows in a decade, they asked their vicar if he would do the honour in May ’99. He agreed and their marriage was blessed as the couple gave each other second wedding rings. Later that evening, a party to mark occasion took place at their home for around forty of their nearest and dearest.

By December 2000, Julia started to notice changes in him. His behaviour was erratic - often citing strenuous workloads as the culprit. Then at Christmas things came to a head when he wandered outside around 10:30. When Julia couldn’t spot him through the window, she went to look for him. Eventually she found him crouched down in the corner of the shed talking softly on his mobile. Hovering, she stood and watched him for a few minutes until he sensed someone was there and turned to look at her. Shocked at what she found, Julia stormed out of the shed slamming the door behind her.

Catching up with her in the kitchen he, nervously, tried to make paltry excuses about what she’d witnessed. He told her it wasn’t what she thought...

“It was a daughter of one of my clients”, he said, “She’s trying to get a divorce from her husband”. He then explained that the man was a fellow tradesman and therefore the woman was just phoning for any information that he had about her husband’s mistress. Sure it all seemed far-fetched, but Julia loved her husband so she tried to put it to the back of her mind. After all, the alternative was just too unthinkable.

Leading her by the hand, they went off to the bedroom where he produced her Christmas present in the form of a .40-carat solitaire diamond ring. “You spoiled my surprise,” he said.

The next day, claiming he had to do some work on a property in a nearby village, he set off. As it had been snowing overnight, Julia was concerned for him. Plus there was just something in her gut that didn’t feel right. Climbing into their Range Rover, she set off to drive to the site.

Arriving at the site where he said he was working at, his van was nowhere to be seen. Calmly she rang his phone and asked him where he was. He lied. Catching him out, she shouted that’s where she was and she knew he was lying.

When she hung up on him, he frantically kept calling her back. Having suspicions of where he might be, she tried to track him down at a few places, but couldn’t find him and eventually went home. When he returned, he claimed an elderly client had a sudden emergency with a burst pipe. Julia believed him once again - because she wanted to believe him.

Their relationship was going down hill fast. He kept blaming his stress, and the more she tried to get to the bottom of his moods, the worse they got.

In August 2001, he disappeared on the Bank Holiday weekend saying he needed to be on his own. When asked where he was, he said somewhere in Cornwall. She suggested meeting him to talk, but he was adamant on needing space.

At a complete loss as to what the problem was, Julia started to berate herself for causing all of this. Two months later, Julia noticed a mobile number kept coming up on their business fax line log so, curiously, she plucked up the courage to ring it up. Her suspicions were confirmed it was his mistress. When Julia rang, the woman burst into tears and confessed that the affair had been going on for two years.

Once again, her husband swore it was over and begged forgiveness. She did her best to forgive him and even agreed to go on holiday with him to Tenerife.

Having been a long sufferer of Agoraphobia, flying and holidays were very stressful for her, but she did it anyway. After managing to have a blissful holiday, they returned a week later. No sooner had they come back, did he suggest taking another identical holiday to Tenerife - the same flight, the same hotel – everything. Unlike the first trip, this time, he was cold and distant.

The couple returned just before Christmas and once again her husband disappeared a day later. He had switched his mobile off and left her wondering all sorts of things until his sister called to say he’d been in touch and was OK.

Assuring Julia that he would be back on Christmas, she waited and waited. At 6.30 on Christmas, the phone rang – and she was told he wasn’t coming back because he didn’t love her anymore. It was over.

The reality of the situation was devastating. Shocked and dazed, she remembered the phone ringing and answering it, but the next thing she recalled was her son, daughter and best friend hovering over her. Julia put on a brave face for the children because she saw how distressed they were. They had thought the world of their step father and even loved him.

The rest of the night was long and excruciating. In her mind Julia wondered what it was that she had done that would make him go to another woman. Having been a very loving and dutiful wife, she supported him through everything and, like many, ended up wondering, “Why me?”

On Boxing Day Julia went to pick up his daughter, as it had been pre-arranged that she would spend the day with them. When his daughter learned what her father had done, she insisted on speaking to him immediately and would not be deterred. Reluctantly and apprehensively, Julia drove her to where her ex was living with her replacement. To say the reception was hostile would be an understatement. Even his daughter wasn’t allowed to enter the house. Julia asked his sister to give him his Christmas gift, but she refused, and even threw them back in her face.

After effectively being told to "get lost", Julia and his daughter both left feeling very agitated. They drove back to her home for a coffee with her mother – Julia’s predecessor. The two former wives began to casually compare notes, when she turned to Julia and said, “well you must have had something we never had”. Asking what she meant, the woman explained how her marriage and his first marriage had only lasted two years.

Yet another bombshell for Julia to learn. She had thought she was his second wife. She then shared with Julia her surprise at how quickly the two of them had married after her own divorce papers had come through.

With alarm bells ringing, Julia enquired when their divorce came through. Mentally running the dates in her mind, Julia suggested the woman must be mistaken, but the woman insisted she was certain. She even said she had the affidavit that he signed stating he married Julia in December 1989 filed away somewhere.

Julia couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Turning stone cold, she asked again if she was sure about the dates. And again the woman affirmed. Julia then suggested that if this were true, he must have married her bigamously. The lady clammed up, nervously stating said she had said too much.

When Julia got home, she was desperate to speak to her husband, but of course he wasn’t answering his mobile phone. Julia then tried to ring his sister and asked her to relay the message that there was an immediate crisis to be discussed.

When he finally rang her back, he denied everything and had a plausible answer for every question asked,...yet something still wasn’t adding up.

Doing a little detective work of her own, Julia contacted the registry office where they married and secured a copy of their marriage certificate. Next, she contacted the county court where she assumed they’d got divorced, and managed to obtain a copy of his divorce papers. Her fears were confirmed - he was still married to his second wife when he married Julia. He had used the papers from wife number one. They married in May 1989 and he did not get his absolute until September 1989. That four-month overlap made her marriage to him illegal.

The range of emotions felt was vast. Grovelling his way back into her life once more, Julia felt happy again, but that was short lived. It was only a matter of weeks before the arguments started up all over again. All the while, she was trying to come to terms with his affair and the bigamy, he had promised he would not say anything, but Julia secretly sought legal advice from a solicitor. Just as she expected, she learned that her marriage was illegal and would need to be annulled.

Devastated once more, things continued to go from bad to worse until one day when he left her again, for the last time, to go live with his mistress.

She sought further legal advice – half worried that she might have been a party to the crime and guilty herself in some way.

Over the coming months, Julia first visited her local police station to report the bigamy. Calling it an “open and shut case”, the detective assured her that her ex would do time. He then recommended she contact a local MP, in this case, John Burnett, to see if he could be of help – which he was - immensely. Pulling a few strings on her behalf, he went to the police and to departments within the government to find some answers.

It was several stressful months later before she heard from the police department again. The same detective who called it an "open and shut case" informed her that her ex merely received a caution.

By this point Julia was exasperated and in shock at how this man could only receive a caution. Life all seemed too unfair.

In search of support for her pain - Julia contacted Women’s Aid, Rights for Women, the Citizen Advice Bureau and even had a visit from Victim’s Support. Ultimately, she found no real support what so ever - anywhere.

It was around this time Julia logged on to soyouvebeendumped.com and began posting. Since that time, Julia has slowly managed to put the pieces of her life back together.

Within weeks of joining Julia called on the support of SYBD founder, Thea Newcomb. The pair had multiple conversations about how to move on from such and ordeal.

Highlighting the lack of support for bigamy victims, Julia suggested launching a sister site to SYBD specifically for victims. After talking about this proposed bigamy site for nearly two years, the pair finalized talks in February and launched two months later, deliberately, on April 1, 2004. The fools in this case are the people who choose to enter knowingly into bigamous marriages.

These two women are now rallying support from people in high places - see the Stop Bigamy team - determined to help sufferers throughout the UK and indeed the world.

Julia made the all-important transition from victim to survivor and now even heroine. She's turning her past pain into something positive by supporting other sufferers of bigamy all over.

2008-12-02T22:08:00.004Z

NATIONAL TELEVISION

Great news, Stop Bigamy's Julia is due to be on THE BBC's ONE SHOW this week - Thursday or Friday. We're excited about this national television coverage, and big, hearty welcome to you if you're here as a result!

BBC LOCAL RADIO

Also listen out for her with LIZ KERSHAW on BBC COVENTRY AND WARWICKSHIRE too.

Starting to look a bit like World Domination for our Jules...

THE SOYOUVEBEENDUMPED.COM DOCUMENTARY

And as if this radio and television coverage were not enough - Julia is appearing in the upcoming documentary for So You've Been Dumped - out 2009.

2008-09-05T16:13:00.003+01:00

NEW MEDIA COVERAGE

Have you seen REAL PEOPLE magazine this week? Julia can be found on pages 20-21.

These days most magazines are now forcing the "right to reply" which I think can be a good and a bad thing...In this case, Julia's ex maintains he's seeking legal advice against Julia and describes her as "sad" and "spiteful" (which makes both of us laugh a little)...To be honest, I can see why he would view her as such, but as someone who's known her for half-a-dozen years (since the Bob debacle) - I can say she's one of the least "sad" or "spiteful" people I've ever met.

Was she, perhaps at the time of the end of the relationship? Quite probably, but is she now?

No,...Quite the opposite. Julia is and empathetic, kind-hearted inspiration. She has not launched Stop Bigamy as an act of revenge, she's done it in much the same way So You've Been Dumped was launched - to give support, solace and advice to those who've been hurt by the end of a relationship.

Julia's not in this to "name and shame" anyone - despite what some accusers may assume.

Having interviewed her for my documentary movie - she only spoke kindly of her ex. She even admitted she has a toast of champagne periodically to "give thanks" to him for making her the woman she is today.

She's happy, she's a carer and caring person and she's moved on...

I am grateful she had the experience because without him, I'd never have met her...So from both of us "Thank you Bob". We both, truly, wish you the best.

2008-06-25T13:46:00.001+01:00

Great news, Julia is featured in today's DAILY MAIL newspaper! Exciting stuff!

So if you're here as a result of seeing said footage - we welcome you.

Best from SB.

2005-12-12T13:03:00.000Z

SB Re-Design

ou may've noticed that Stop Bigamy has had a wee face lift. It's not drastically different of course, just a lick of paint. Generally speaking, the site has been simplified as our mission has changed somewhat. We are still offering the number one forum for support and advice the world over but due to having busy lives our UK Fact Sheet has been thrown onto the back-burner for now. Perhaps 2006 will allow us time to pursue this lofty ambition? We'll see...

Dr Phil tackles Bigamy

The following information has been taken from the Dr Phil website.

Conned By a Con Artist

ou may have heard, "If something is too good to be true, it probably is." Dr. Phil's guests learned this lesson the hard way. Sandra thought she was marrying a bachelor with whom she would spend the rest of her life. What she didn't know was that she was being conned, and that when she tied the knot, she would be wife number seven! See what happens when Sandra and wife number six get together. Why is Dr. Phil concerned with the way they are coping with their pain? Then, when Coni met Paul, he claimed he owned a business, had a Ph.D. and was an Air Force Major. But the life he detailed was all a big lie. Now that Coni has put her husband behind bars, she fears he's plotting revenge. What does Dr. Phil think? Plus, a former FBI profiler shares the signs to look for so you don't become a con man's next target.

After visiting Stop Bigamy - Sandra was inspired to launch a sister site stateside. We wish her luck with her plight to combat bigamy.

Happy Holidays

Julia and Thea would like to wish everyone out there some safe and joy-filled times this festive period.

Live, laugh, love, and be happy one and all.

Happy 2006

2005-12-07T10:23:00.000Z

Stop Bigamy is currently going through an overhaul and should be relaunched with a shiny new "look and feel" by the year's close.

Meanwhile our US counterpart Fighting Bigamy - is set for a media frenzy when its founder, Sandra Phipps, is set to appear on the Dr Phil show on Monday December 12!

Sandra has been fortunate enough to at least see her Ex indicted on a Bigamy charge and she is fast-becoming the "new Erin Brokovich" - of Bigamy. Check out Fighting Bigamy for the low down.

Finally, Julia and Sandra have joined forces to fight the bigamy cause and are currently being interviewed for a feature in a national UK publication. Watch this space for more info...

The more media attention brought to bigamy - the more it furthers our cause!

2005-10-10T15:06:00.000+01:00

Greetings from Stop Bigamy...

We are always on the look out for people to tell their story in order to make money! We get countless requests from journalists and TV researchers and the like - all looking for people who are willing to come forward to speak about their ordeal. These people must be based in the UK, and be willing to supply photographs and/or be photographed for the publiciation (usually women's magazines).

If you're interested in telling/selling your story then please get in touch with Thea.

Best wishes from SB.

2005-09-22T14:43:00.000+01:00

Greetings!
It's been a while since we've updated Stop Bigamy and indeed this blog. SB has been getting busier with traffic logging on from all over the globe to tell their tales. Julia is always on hand with empathy!

Make Money
If you are in the UK and do have a story to tell - please get in touch. We will be able to sell it to a UK magazine or newspaper. Depending on how good your story you can make hundreds or even up to one thousand pounds. How good does that sound?

Write it Out
Keep posting in the forums here at Stop Bigamy.

Recent Press
Did you catch the recent story in the UK press of the Trigamist. Man it's hard enough to deal with ONE spouse or relationship...How do people manage to juggle three? Crazy.

Until next time, regards from Thea and Julia xx

2005-05-19T15:10:00.000+01:00

Great News!
We are working on the first-ever BIGAMY FACT sheet for the UK. This will be available both in hard copy format and digital download too. In both cases, there will be a nominal fee to cover our costs.

Tell your story!
Each week, we get countless requests from media types who are looking for case studies to be on their TV shows, in documentaries, for for articles in the press... The more you talk about BIGAMY, the more awareness gets out there, the more hope we have of reducing BIGAMY cases in the UK (and beyond)! Plus, as if that weren't cause enough, in some cases, we can help you SELL your story to the press for good money to boot!! So all in all it's a "Win/Win" situation.

Right now Granada Media has taken out an ad with Stop Bigamy for the following show...and if you didn't see the ad on the homepage, I thought I'd reiterate it here...:

Do you have experience of bigamy? Granada Television is looking for men and women to appear in a documentary for Sky One. This is your opportunity to tell your story. Perhaps you would like to put the record straight about your past? Either way, plese contact Harriet Scott directly on 0207 261 3917 or email her: harriet.scott@granadamedia.com .

If you would like to contribute to the BIGAMY FACT SHEET, or want to help our cause in any other way, then please get in touch.

2005-04-01T14:16:00.000+01:00

Wow, we are pleased to tell you we are one year old today! And that's no April Fool! Julia and I would like to thank each and everyone of you for stopping by, reading her story, posting in our forums, giving us press enquiries and helping to further the cause against bigamy. Thanks!

2005-03-04T09:26:00.000Z

On Monday March 7,2005, Channel 4 airs a TV show related to bigamy.

21:00 - Extraordinary Families [subtitles]

The Seven Wives of Alexander Spencer:- Throughout his adult life, Alexander Spencer charmed his way into women's lives only to then abandon them out of the blue. Here, Spencer's ex-wives reveal how they were seduced by his promises, what happened when he left, and how the legacy of a broken marriage and a broken heart has affected the rest of their lives.

I am really starting to believe that we've timed the launching of this site just right, and we will endeavour to become the premier destination on the web for searchers of information or advice on bigamy.

Meanwhile, we are expecting more press just around the corner, Julia has been speaking to a variety of media types - so our community will continue to grow. Thanks to everyone who's visited and contributed. :)

Best wishes from Julia and Thea.

2005-02-20T20:21:00.000Z

Welcome to Stop Bigamy - 2005. It's Thea here again to update you on our latest.

After a fairly quiet lull in the media coverage, things are picking up for us again once more. Though our pending TV appearance didn't happen, last week, Stop Bigamy has received coverage in a new article in This is Exeter.

Addionally, Julia has been approached by a large national paper to be included in an upcoming piece on Secret Lives. I believe they are looking for more people effected by bigamy to come forward.

Please check out our forums for more information.

Thanks :)
Thea

PS: I see I've not posted pics of Julia and my first meeting from December. I must add to my list of 'Things to Do' soon!

2004-12-10T11:31:00.000Z

Well after two years of knowing each other - Julia and I have finally met face to face!

We met in Canary Wharf in London last weekend for the very first time ever. It was so wonderful to put the face to the voice as it were. We had a great meal (her kind treat) and then went into town for the soyouvebeendumped.com eXmas party. We had an absolutely super time. 'A few pics to be posted on here soon!

While in London, Julia has also met up with a new journalist who is featuring this site and our campaign in her newspaper. Well it's not HER newspaper - it's the paper she works for. Ha ha! The photoshoot took place yesterday. Watch this space for details.

There is a new survey question found on the homepage of Stop Bigamy and we would be very grateful if you entered your details.

We have both been busy this passed year with our individual projects, so 2005 will be about Stop Bigamy. We've already ended up recruiting even more influential people to our cause, so now is the time to take it further.

Finally, I have been in the process of writing a book about people who have bounced back from a break-up or divorce and Julia is the first story in the book. The book should be available in July 2005. God willing.

Thanks for stopping by.

From Thea and Julia,
www.stopbigamy.co.uk/

2004-07-23T16:48:00.000+01:00

Well we are in WOMAN magazine this week. We also got mentioned in Scotland's Daily Record. Both came out on Tuesday of this week and add up to great media coverage. There have been several press enquiries as a result.

I'll aim to get the WOMAN magazine article scanned in and added to the site ASAP.

The Daily Record piece can be viewed/read here.

Thanks for stopping by.

2004-07-14T16:59:00.000+01:00

Great news!

Julia has told her story to Woman magazine which is hitting news stands this coming MONDAY - 19th July. We hope that this is the begging on a PR frenzy and that it will lead to much more publicity for Stop Bigamy. This in turn will help us with our cause!

Also, with a bit of luck - a national Scottish paper should be printing a story next Tuesday - a pull out section - which will promote the site too.

Watch this space.

Best from Julia and Thea :)

2004-04-25T10:08:00.000+01:00

Well there has not been much to report news wise. The article has yet to run in the national paper. We believe that when it does, we will be able to begin our campaign in earnest.

For now though, we've had more than 300 hits to the site this morning already (and yes, ones that aren't just me and Julia)! So that's great news - I mean, considering we've not promoted it at all, beyond word of mouth.

And as we have had some media enquiries already - we are pleased with the response even after just three weeks.

Roll on press coverage...

2004-04-06T09:55:00.000+01:00

Oh this is all so exciting! Our first post in the news area of Stop Bigamy. We went live six days ago and have already had more than 100 hits (111, I just checked and no, they aren't all me!) Not bad considering there has been no press yet.

Speaking of PRESS: Once again Julia and I have been disappointed that a big 3-page spread in a daily paper has not run this morning as we'd hoped. That's the way the media goes though, I am well used to this sort of disappointment by now. As things are just getting finalised in Julia's case - this is definitely for the proverbial best! There's always next week!

We have had our first media request through the site. Julia has been invited to appear on her first TV show on BBC1 to discuss bigamy. Am hoping I will be able to tag along for moral support. Watch this space.

Just a final note - I find it funnythat every married guy I mention SB to all say the same thing to me: "Is Bigamy that common? Why would anyone want that? One wife is more than enough for me..." - Cheeky - That said, one husband was more than enough for me too!